New Nickels

This morning, while out getting our morning cup of joe, one of our Pooper staffers noticed something, another new design for the common nickel. Both new designs that have surfaced over the last two years are pictured on the left. As you can see the 2005 nickel shows a different profile of Jefferson than the nickels of our childhood. The 2006 nickel shows all of our third president's face. This is the beginning of a new trend in coin-making. The '06 nickel is part of a campaign entitled "Head,and Shoulders, Knees and Toes" where each year a new body part is featured. 2007 will be Jefferson's shoulders, 2008 his knees, 2009 his toes. This will likely continue. The Daily Pooper has heard from an anonymous source that there is a plan for a nickel in 2013 that will show Jefferson's butt.
Keep spending America.

Jon Lovitz...cannibal?

We here at The Daily Pooper, from time to time, need to bring news that hurts to tell as much as it hurts to hear. Sometimes, it's because it's a story is just that important. Sometimes, as is the case today, it is because your life is in danger. We were hanging out after hours in our lounge here at The Pooper's offices watching television as we are known to do. We were watching "Hell's Kitchen" (we like when ugly guys yell alot, not sure why...). Anyway, during a commercial break we came across some rather startling information. one of our favorite actors, Jon Lovitz (we love that guy he always is), appeared in a commercial for Subway Restaurants. It was your typical commercial for the most part, some guy wants food. it was the ending that shocked us. Lovitz is pictured sitting in a chair and he plainly states "Subway, eat flesh."
Knowing the commercial is on every five minutes, we waited around to see it again, just to make sure we hadn't misheard Sir Lovitz. Unfortunately for us and 'vitz-headz around the world, it was unmistakable. There was no other way to hear it. Jon Lovitz, our boy, said "Eat Flesh."
We tried to reach him for comment, but it was useless. He would not answer his phone. We bought a map to his home from a strange lady on the street but it got us nowhere. We got to his house and stood outside arguing about who would knock on the door. None of us were brave enough to face the man-eating man. Imagine being face-to-face with a cannibal, could you do it?
We, of course, will not give up. Non-give-up-itude is one of our middle names, as you know. We will continue to try and muster up the courage to face Jon "The Cannibal" Lovitz.
Stay vigilant, America.

Wait, Holy alligator? Well, hole-y maybe, but holy? No way.

This is the kind of story that we here at The Daily Pooper live for. This alligator(pictured above) is owned by Micheal Wilk of Salem, WI. Some of you may be familiar with the story. Newspapers across the coutnry have been talking about this alligator. They say that the markings on it's side spell out "G-O-D", the name of a popular theological figure. But, we here at The Pooper say "not so fast!". We know our readers can read (you can read right? that's why you're here?). Anyone can plainly see that the markings do spell out a word. The problem is some people are stupid. It is obvious that the letters are "G-U-N", the name of a popular way to kill stuff. We could never let this slide. That's why we brought it to you.
As our motto states "Because you need to know. Because you want to know."
Keep reading, America.

Welcome to The Daily Pooper!

Thank you for your interest! We really appreciate it. Here at The Daily Pooper, we take pride in bringing you all of the important news that will help you in life, in love and in America. We also believe in truth. Integrity is our middle name. Well, one of them anyway. Others include compassion, ingenuity, non-give-up-itude and Ron.
Our large editorial staff (pictured) has years of experience and boy, does it show! We have covered every major event in America for the last 79 years and we don't plan on stopping! No, we have big plans here at The Daily Pooper. In preparation for our 80th anniversary we are debuting this all new online edition. We hope you find this as rewarding an experience as we do. None of this is possible without you, our readers. Thank you for your unending support!
Please check back soon for updates.
Keep pooping, America